Bob the Blob

On the fourth of July I went to the emergency room. I now know what a level 10 pain is...my blood pressure dropped below 80 (as the large number), I was ghostly white, shaking, hyperventalating, and vomiting from the pain. We were very clear with the doctor that we believe it was a cyst on my ovary because every doctor I had previously seen said, "it sounds like a cyst, you'll be fine," handed me some pain medicine and sent me on my way. Luckily the doctor at Winchester Medical decided to confirm that diagnosis and sent me in for a CAT scan. After the second round of pain killers kicked in and the fourth episode of the Twilight Zone marathon the doctor came back in and told me that at least we know it wasn't all in my head. He proceeded to show me my CAT scan (which despite my requests I was unable to receive and post). I had a mass the size of a football in my abdomen. It had actually pushed my organs out of the way to make room for itself. He called in a specialist who agreed that I needed to have emergency surgery that day but that I had to be sent to UVA in case it was cancer.

I got sent to UVA in an ambulance and Carol followed me. My family arrived next day in time for the surgery which had been delayed. I was actually pretty surprised when I woke up that my parents, sister, and brother were there. Carol stayed the night in the hospital with me. Day after the surgery I was sent home.

The scar goes from just below my belly button to just above my pubic bone. I looked like my cats after they were fixed. I was given a 4 week recovery and have now returned to work.

But I have to say...best thing that could have happened. Carol and I got to spend a month at home together, there were a bunch of people coming to visit. Carol had a completely unawkward dinner alone with my parents while I was in the hospital and Carol and I went over to my sister's house for dinner one evening. We even got our old drinking buddy that we haven't seen since the wedding to come over last weekend.

Turns out they believe Bob the Blob was an infection in my fallopian tube that cause a bunch of fluid to form around it and cysts began to grow on the blob. Personally what I find to be the coolest/most disturbing part is they told me the blob had wrapped around my fallopian tube twice, so they had to remove it. Last winter I had a lump poking out of my abdomen a good inch above the rest of my stomach. I think that was the second time the blob wrapped around my fallopian tube. How cool is that? I think it is anyway.

Now Bob the Blob is gone. My cramps have all but disappeared. My period is much less painful. And I have a cool new scar. At least that is what I am going to keep telling myself. I am also going to stop showing it to people because even when they ask to see it they get a horrified and disgusted look on their face which makes me feel so good about myself.