Tomorrow is my last day of work at my job. I will officially be unemployed by the 18th, if I haven't gotten a job by then. I am hoping I will find a job by then but in the mean time I will at least be getting paid until the 18th. Today is a pivotal day, though, as all of our plans are relying on how today and tomorrow turn out. Winchester hasn't worked out for us adn we miss our home. So much in fact that Carol is already working in Staunton and staying with a friend there. We were actually able to get our old apartment back and we should be getting the lease in the mail today. In addition to the lease should be a loan to help us move and sort through loose ends, like our current lease.
We are going to try to make a deal with him but I am concerned that he is pretending to be a nice guy and in actuality is not quite so nice. Like how he promised to put our house back on the market so he could get someone to rent it and we would be able to get out of lease.....and yet over a week has passed and it is still not listed. Or how there is no security deposit for a place that is clearly falling apart. Most of the damage is dealing with the foundation and chipped paint, scratched floors, years of using the 20's wood molding to hang blinds on. But some of it is crayon on the walls that has been covered up in a different shade of white and grease and finger prints on the walls.
In general I am crossing my fingers that we will be able to get out of this lease with money to spare in our loan to pay all of our moving fees and be able to sponge off of it for a little bit in case it takes longer than anticipated to find a job. I have an interview with my old boss tomorrow. I am a little worried about it. Apparently everyone and their mother applied for the job as soon as word spread that they were going to need to be hiring soon and she had already unofficially guaranteed it to another girl. However then I applied for the job and I am technically the better choice because I dont' need to be trained on anything. But she is stubborn, especially when it comes to wanting to hire/promote her friends. But this job isn't the job I'm worried about. This is just a part time job to supplement my income from a full time job. That is the job I need to find as soon as possible.
It started out rather serendipitous. Carol got a job and then our apartment came open. We saw it as a sign to look a moving down. Then I ran into my old building manager who told me that our apartment was still open and they woudl love to have us back. My friend is telling me about a job that I am practically guaranteed for and my old job starts hiring. However things have begun to need a bit more work than previously anticipated. That job I was promised isn't necessarily hiring at the moment, though always looking, and I am competing with another girl for my old job. Our landlord doesn't want to let us out of the lease and in the mean time Carol has contracted odd infections from staying at her friend's house which required an emergency room visit and multiple rounds of antibiotics and fluids.
No matter what happens, we are moving...we just may be paying for mulitple places at once. We are looking at this as a year lost in time because we plan to pick up our lives just where we left them, in our cozy apartment, surrounded by friends, in our beautiful town that we love.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
..they don't know my head is a mess....
So yesterday at work I had an anxiety attack. Unfortunately for me, because "i'm special" I had more concerns to worry about in this situation. Every time I breathed deeply it felt like I was going to have a seizure. Of course I called Carol, because she has several anxiety disorders she deals with, and she listed out for me all the reasons I had to be stressed...which didn't actually help. So to recap since I know no one else knows what is going on in my life:
When I came back from my surgery I was told I have 60 days to improve my revenue for the company by (a lot) or I no longer have a job. So I have been working my butt off on projects that are supposed to take off, but haven't yet.
Everyday that I come in I don't know what I am going to get. Some days I feel fairly secure that I will have a job at the end of September. Other days I don't know if they will even let me last out the 60 days. This is generally because while I am under pressure to make the company lots of money, everyone I work under is under pressure, which gets passed down person to person and usually lands on me in the form of mood swings. So while on Tuesday I am doing everything I am supposed to and I am doing it well and everything is good, on Wednesday everything I did on Tuesday was wrong and I am unable to do anything correctly.
Because my job is so up in the air I have no idea if I will have a job in October. Carol and I have mapped about at least four courses of action on what my future may look like in the next few months, none of which are secure. I have applied with job placement people and they are not returning my calls. I looked into working at one company but I cannot be guaranteed a job. I could also go back to Staunton and take a $10,000 + pay cut, or I could try to stay in Winchester. If I do stay at this job or get another job in northern virginia I will probably move back into my parent's home.
Carol moved out. Not in a scary we need some time apart, way, but in the Carol couldn't find a job anywhere but Staunton so that is why she is currently working, and staying while she works. So I come home to an empty house with cats that decidedly prefer Carol and actually avoid me when she is not around, unless its dinner time.
Basically all of my security has been pulled out from under me in less than a month and I still have medical bills covering the fridge, my parents asking when they are going to be repaid, and Carol needing money for gas and food while she is living down there. I am kind of in a bad position right now.
I asked for Friday off. I have been told...maybe....maybe if all of the business I have been working on since I got back still hasn't kicked off by today, then maybe I can have the day off. All I want to do is try to de-stress...but considering that everything in my life is up in the air, the only way that I can do that is by determining my future. I don't really want to stay here...but I also don't want to quit. I am actually hoping that they tell me they will be letting me go on October 2nd. That way I can get everything set up to get another job lined up and have movers set up and maybe even an apartment lined up if we can swing it. Generally I think I want to go back to Staunton to be with Carol.
Its interesting actually. The first day she was gone I thought we would be so much better at being apart the second time around because we are more secure in our relationship and less needy and clingy than we were the first time we had to be apart. Its actually the opposite. We have been together for so long now, everyday, we almost don't know how to be apart. Nothing quite feels right or safe being apart, especially knowing that it is going to continue this way for an indeterminate period of time. After Carol's first day of work she drove back to spend the night with me and left the following day to head back to work. We are going to spend all the money she is making just on gas to see each other.
We have no money saved and a lot of bills and expenses to pay....we can't just up and change our lives again right now. But I may not have a choice. I just feel frustrated, stressed, lost, and scared.
When I came back from my surgery I was told I have 60 days to improve my revenue for the company by (a lot) or I no longer have a job. So I have been working my butt off on projects that are supposed to take off, but haven't yet.
Everyday that I come in I don't know what I am going to get. Some days I feel fairly secure that I will have a job at the end of September. Other days I don't know if they will even let me last out the 60 days. This is generally because while I am under pressure to make the company lots of money, everyone I work under is under pressure, which gets passed down person to person and usually lands on me in the form of mood swings. So while on Tuesday I am doing everything I am supposed to and I am doing it well and everything is good, on Wednesday everything I did on Tuesday was wrong and I am unable to do anything correctly.
Because my job is so up in the air I have no idea if I will have a job in October. Carol and I have mapped about at least four courses of action on what my future may look like in the next few months, none of which are secure. I have applied with job placement people and they are not returning my calls. I looked into working at one company but I cannot be guaranteed a job. I could also go back to Staunton and take a $10,000 + pay cut, or I could try to stay in Winchester. If I do stay at this job or get another job in northern virginia I will probably move back into my parent's home.
Carol moved out. Not in a scary we need some time apart, way, but in the Carol couldn't find a job anywhere but Staunton so that is why she is currently working, and staying while she works. So I come home to an empty house with cats that decidedly prefer Carol and actually avoid me when she is not around, unless its dinner time.
Basically all of my security has been pulled out from under me in less than a month and I still have medical bills covering the fridge, my parents asking when they are going to be repaid, and Carol needing money for gas and food while she is living down there. I am kind of in a bad position right now.
I asked for Friday off. I have been told...maybe....maybe if all of the business I have been working on since I got back still hasn't kicked off by today, then maybe I can have the day off. All I want to do is try to de-stress...but considering that everything in my life is up in the air, the only way that I can do that is by determining my future. I don't really want to stay here...but I also don't want to quit. I am actually hoping that they tell me they will be letting me go on October 2nd. That way I can get everything set up to get another job lined up and have movers set up and maybe even an apartment lined up if we can swing it. Generally I think I want to go back to Staunton to be with Carol.
Its interesting actually. The first day she was gone I thought we would be so much better at being apart the second time around because we are more secure in our relationship and less needy and clingy than we were the first time we had to be apart. Its actually the opposite. We have been together for so long now, everyday, we almost don't know how to be apart. Nothing quite feels right or safe being apart, especially knowing that it is going to continue this way for an indeterminate period of time. After Carol's first day of work she drove back to spend the night with me and left the following day to head back to work. We are going to spend all the money she is making just on gas to see each other.
We have no money saved and a lot of bills and expenses to pay....we can't just up and change our lives again right now. But I may not have a choice. I just feel frustrated, stressed, lost, and scared.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Bob the Blob
On the fourth of July I went to the emergency room. I now know what a level 10 pain is...my blood pressure dropped below 80 (as the large number), I was ghostly white, shaking, hyperventalating, and vomiting from the pain. We were very clear with the doctor that we believe it was a cyst on my ovary because every doctor I had previously seen said, "it sounds like a cyst, you'll be fine," handed me some pain medicine and sent me on my way. Luckily the doctor at Winchester Medical decided to confirm that diagnosis and sent me in for a CAT scan. After the second round of pain killers kicked in and the fourth episode of the Twilight Zone marathon the doctor came back in and told me that at least we know it wasn't all in my head. He proceeded to show me my CAT scan (which despite my requests I was unable to receive and post). I had a mass the size of a football in my abdomen. It had actually pushed my organs out of the way to make room for itself. He called in a specialist who agreed that I needed to have emergency surgery that day but that I had to be sent to UVA in case it was cancer.
I got sent to UVA in an ambulance and Carol followed me. My family arrived next day in time for the surgery which had been delayed. I was actually pretty surprised when I woke up that my parents, sister, and brother were there. Carol stayed the night in the hospital with me. Day after the surgery I was sent home.
The scar goes from just below my belly button to just above my pubic bone. I looked like my cats after they were fixed. I was given a 4 week recovery and have now returned to work.
But I have to say...best thing that could have happened. Carol and I got to spend a month at home together, there were a bunch of people coming to visit. Carol had a completely unawkward dinner alone with my parents while I was in the hospital and Carol and I went over to my sister's house for dinner one evening. We even got our old drinking buddy that we haven't seen since the wedding to come over last weekend.
Turns out they believe Bob the Blob was an infection in my fallopian tube that cause a bunch of fluid to form around it and cysts began to grow on the blob. Personally what I find to be the coolest/most disturbing part is they told me the blob had wrapped around my fallopian tube twice, so they had to remove it. Last winter I had a lump poking out of my abdomen a good inch above the rest of my stomach. I think that was the second time the blob wrapped around my fallopian tube. How cool is that? I think it is anyway.
Now Bob the Blob is gone. My cramps have all but disappeared. My period is much less painful. And I have a cool new scar. At least that is what I am going to keep telling myself. I am also going to stop showing it to people because even when they ask to see it they get a horrified and disgusted look on their face which makes me feel so good about myself.
I got sent to UVA in an ambulance and Carol followed me. My family arrived next day in time for the surgery which had been delayed. I was actually pretty surprised when I woke up that my parents, sister, and brother were there. Carol stayed the night in the hospital with me. Day after the surgery I was sent home.
The scar goes from just below my belly button to just above my pubic bone. I looked like my cats after they were fixed. I was given a 4 week recovery and have now returned to work.
But I have to say...best thing that could have happened. Carol and I got to spend a month at home together, there were a bunch of people coming to visit. Carol had a completely unawkward dinner alone with my parents while I was in the hospital and Carol and I went over to my sister's house for dinner one evening. We even got our old drinking buddy that we haven't seen since the wedding to come over last weekend.
Turns out they believe Bob the Blob was an infection in my fallopian tube that cause a bunch of fluid to form around it and cysts began to grow on the blob. Personally what I find to be the coolest/most disturbing part is they told me the blob had wrapped around my fallopian tube twice, so they had to remove it. Last winter I had a lump poking out of my abdomen a good inch above the rest of my stomach. I think that was the second time the blob wrapped around my fallopian tube. How cool is that? I think it is anyway.
Now Bob the Blob is gone. My cramps have all but disappeared. My period is much less painful. And I have a cool new scar. At least that is what I am going to keep telling myself. I am also going to stop showing it to people because even when they ask to see it they get a horrified and disgusted look on their face which makes me feel so good about myself.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
"I just wanna sit in this storm with you."
So while I know I'm not a social person and I tend to be kind of a no-show, I am actually feeling like secluding myself more lately.
First of all I have decided that I am simply not meant for the world of cell phones. I generally dislike mine, despite my efforts to get a cool one. I just don't like to be reached. I long for the days when people just had answering machines at their homes, if you were lucky enough to have an answering machine, and if you didn't answer that meant you were out or busy. No one is allowed to be out or busy. You are allowed to be at work, and you are allowed to be asleep, but even asleep you should be sleeping with your phone near you in case of emergencies. I have recently started that habit only because my phone is my alarm clock (one of the only handy dandy features I actually use besides the phone book) and luckily I have yet to have anyone call me while I tried to sleep.
I even went so far as to get a home phone so that I wouldn't have to carry my cell around the house with me so I can hear it. Unfortunately I never made the effort to give out that number so we only have crap callers call that phone, or Carol when she's out of town. In general I don't like to answer my phone and only answer when Carol calls. Otherwise I just listen for voicemails, which since everyone is fairly aware that I never answer my phone, those phone calls are few and far between. Except for my family.
Now don't get me wrong, I love my family and I love spending time with them, but I almost never answer their calls. Generally the calls are FYI: you owe me money, don't forget so and so's birthday, are you coming to the (various events)?, and I hope you are alright, we miss you. Not all together bad calls..except for the owing money one. But its what happens when I actually show up for these events. It usually consists of an in person FYI about money, followed by a question of how we're doing financially. If Carol is there she gets questioned about whether she has found a job yet, and how classes are going. If she is not there, those questions are directed at me. How is working going? And here is the honest answer to all of these questions: we're falling on our faces. Life is kind of sucking. We are living in a daily ebb and flow of fighting, crying, and clinging which is emotionally draining as it has been going on for over a month now. We are exhausted, frustrated, annoyed, and generally depressed. But we're trying to make it through together.
And while there is something to be said for leaning on your friends and family when things get hard, its not really how we function. What we do is probably intensely unhealthy but its the only thing that works for us. We fall apart into each other and hold on tight. We wait for the answers to come. In fact leaning on other people is generally how we have gotten into every major fight in our history together. As you may have noticed Carol is an intensely private person and the mere thought of other people knowing that everything in our life is anything but perfect is extremely upsetting for her.
I don't know how long this separation from the digital/cellular world may last, but I'll be in Winchester until it all blows over...or somewhere else if we end up moving. But I still have my cell if I need to be reached and I will still check my online doo-hickeys. Of course, as usual, don't expect any speedy responses as time seems to be simultaneously speeding past and as slow as a snail...or those huge slugs I recently discovered by house....which helped me realize that slugs freak me out. Who knew.
Oh I don't know what you gonna do, with me,
Because everything I hid in my heart, I just set free,
And I don't wanna skate away- (don't think so anyway),
I just want to sit in this storm with you.
I just want to sit in this storm with you.
Well I've been runnin' runnin' runnin' to fast, for too long.
But you stop, stop me right in my tracks, 'cause I was wrong
Keepin my foot out the door, doesn't work for me anymore,
I just wanna sit in this storm with you.
And when it's pourin' for days, pourin' for nights,
Smearin' all the words alright.
I won't leave you babe, I am with you babe,
We have a deal, yes we do.
I'm gonna soak you up and let it all in, one day,
I'm gonna shoot down all of the stars, I wish away,
'Cause I can love you from the sunshine blue,
To the clouds greyer hue,
Just wanna to sit in this storm with you,
I just wanna to sit, in this storm, with you.
*Adrianne--Storm*
First of all I have decided that I am simply not meant for the world of cell phones. I generally dislike mine, despite my efforts to get a cool one. I just don't like to be reached. I long for the days when people just had answering machines at their homes, if you were lucky enough to have an answering machine, and if you didn't answer that meant you were out or busy. No one is allowed to be out or busy. You are allowed to be at work, and you are allowed to be asleep, but even asleep you should be sleeping with your phone near you in case of emergencies. I have recently started that habit only because my phone is my alarm clock (one of the only handy dandy features I actually use besides the phone book) and luckily I have yet to have anyone call me while I tried to sleep.
I even went so far as to get a home phone so that I wouldn't have to carry my cell around the house with me so I can hear it. Unfortunately I never made the effort to give out that number so we only have crap callers call that phone, or Carol when she's out of town. In general I don't like to answer my phone and only answer when Carol calls. Otherwise I just listen for voicemails, which since everyone is fairly aware that I never answer my phone, those phone calls are few and far between. Except for my family.
Now don't get me wrong, I love my family and I love spending time with them, but I almost never answer their calls. Generally the calls are FYI: you owe me money, don't forget so and so's birthday, are you coming to the (various events)?, and I hope you are alright, we miss you. Not all together bad calls..except for the owing money one. But its what happens when I actually show up for these events. It usually consists of an in person FYI about money, followed by a question of how we're doing financially. If Carol is there she gets questioned about whether she has found a job yet, and how classes are going. If she is not there, those questions are directed at me. How is working going? And here is the honest answer to all of these questions: we're falling on our faces. Life is kind of sucking. We are living in a daily ebb and flow of fighting, crying, and clinging which is emotionally draining as it has been going on for over a month now. We are exhausted, frustrated, annoyed, and generally depressed. But we're trying to make it through together.
And while there is something to be said for leaning on your friends and family when things get hard, its not really how we function. What we do is probably intensely unhealthy but its the only thing that works for us. We fall apart into each other and hold on tight. We wait for the answers to come. In fact leaning on other people is generally how we have gotten into every major fight in our history together. As you may have noticed Carol is an intensely private person and the mere thought of other people knowing that everything in our life is anything but perfect is extremely upsetting for her.
I don't know how long this separation from the digital/cellular world may last, but I'll be in Winchester until it all blows over...or somewhere else if we end up moving. But I still have my cell if I need to be reached and I will still check my online doo-hickeys. Of course, as usual, don't expect any speedy responses as time seems to be simultaneously speeding past and as slow as a snail...or those huge slugs I recently discovered by house....which helped me realize that slugs freak me out. Who knew.
Oh I don't know what you gonna do, with me,
Because everything I hid in my heart, I just set free,
And I don't wanna skate away- (don't think so anyway),
I just want to sit in this storm with you.
I just want to sit in this storm with you.
Well I've been runnin' runnin' runnin' to fast, for too long.
But you stop, stop me right in my tracks, 'cause I was wrong
Keepin my foot out the door, doesn't work for me anymore,
I just wanna sit in this storm with you.
And when it's pourin' for days, pourin' for nights,
Smearin' all the words alright.
I won't leave you babe, I am with you babe,
We have a deal, yes we do.
I'm gonna soak you up and let it all in, one day,
I'm gonna shoot down all of the stars, I wish away,
'Cause I can love you from the sunshine blue,
To the clouds greyer hue,
Just wanna to sit in this storm with you,
I just wanna to sit, in this storm, with you.
*Adrianne--Storm*
Friday, June 26, 2009
You know you want more updates on my work life!
So silver linings...dashed. I finally got in contact with the driver's dispatch who said he did not send another driver to pick up and that he was sending the driver who was out there delivering home and he would not be making another run for us.
I spoke with the lovely Alberta and she said she had no knowledge of the situation and I could make a claim for the detention time with someone else.
I attempted to fill my promise and I found a lot of people who were willing to move on Friday but were unable to move Thursday. I was, however lucky enough to get one driver to move on Thursday, who also wanted to move on Friday. I called Alberta and she said she was full, she did not need any drivers for Friday and if she wanted drivers for Friday she would call on Friday. She told me to bring whatever drivers I had already said to bring but that was it.
So I send out my driver who arrives at noon....that is the last I hear until I get in in the morning.
I come in and have another voicemail...another wonderful voicemail telling me that it is 3:30 their time and they were just told that they are cutting it off for the day and for everyone to come back the next morning at 6:30. So that is what my driver does today.
I called and he was 20th in line and was told they won't be loading until 7. I get a call at 9 their time from dispatch saying that she is pulling her driver from the load because they havent moved an inch in 2 hours.
I called Alberta. I spoke with a sweet young lady named Sarah, explained the situation, and she asked if I wanted to speak with Alberta. I said sure. Next thing I know I am listening to a pathetic little voice saying, "This is Alberta. I am out sick today...." Thats when I hung up...with mild laughter.
So now I am speaking with my trucking advisors in regards to what I should be expecting on this. Is she gonna expect wait time for having a truck sitting around for this load practically 24 hours? Or because she pulled the load before 4 hours of consistent wait time is she just expecting to be out the money?
I have a feeling I can't get written up in this situation. Basically Alberta threatened a whole bunch of carriers to get as many trucks out as possible but I get the impression she never had any records of who was moving what and when. I can only imagine the amount of money they will be wasting on unused trucks ( ours is $500 per). Sigh. I had such good rates for these loads, but the one truck I am moving, while it was quoted at less than $300, due to the detention time, that one truck is coming in at just under $2,000.
I spoke with the lovely Alberta and she said she had no knowledge of the situation and I could make a claim for the detention time with someone else.
I attempted to fill my promise and I found a lot of people who were willing to move on Friday but were unable to move Thursday. I was, however lucky enough to get one driver to move on Thursday, who also wanted to move on Friday. I called Alberta and she said she was full, she did not need any drivers for Friday and if she wanted drivers for Friday she would call on Friday. She told me to bring whatever drivers I had already said to bring but that was it.
So I send out my driver who arrives at noon....that is the last I hear until I get in in the morning.
I come in and have another voicemail...another wonderful voicemail telling me that it is 3:30 their time and they were just told that they are cutting it off for the day and for everyone to come back the next morning at 6:30. So that is what my driver does today.
I called and he was 20th in line and was told they won't be loading until 7. I get a call at 9 their time from dispatch saying that she is pulling her driver from the load because they havent moved an inch in 2 hours.
I called Alberta. I spoke with a sweet young lady named Sarah, explained the situation, and she asked if I wanted to speak with Alberta. I said sure. Next thing I know I am listening to a pathetic little voice saying, "This is Alberta. I am out sick today...." Thats when I hung up...with mild laughter.
So now I am speaking with my trucking advisors in regards to what I should be expecting on this. Is she gonna expect wait time for having a truck sitting around for this load practically 24 hours? Or because she pulled the load before 4 hours of consistent wait time is she just expecting to be out the money?
I have a feeling I can't get written up in this situation. Basically Alberta threatened a whole bunch of carriers to get as many trucks out as possible but I get the impression she never had any records of who was moving what and when. I can only imagine the amount of money they will be wasting on unused trucks ( ours is $500 per). Sigh. I had such good rates for these loads, but the one truck I am moving, while it was quoted at less than $300, due to the detention time, that one truck is coming in at just under $2,000.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Work Vent Update
So. I still have not heard back from anyone I was trying to talk to. But I called my driver. At 6:30a their time this morning, he answered the phone and I asked him what happened yesterday. He asked if he could call me back because he was trying to get into the Port. ..... ..... Into the port???? You mean the port you were supposed to deliver to last night? Yes...yes that port.
So he calls me back and tells me what happened...which had very little to do with a booking code. He arrived on time at 2:00 and was loaded....then he was unloaded....then he was reloaded. At 5:00 he was still waiting for his paperwork to be complete. Guess when the port closes...anyone? anyone? yes. 5:00. So the woman working on the paperwork looks at the clock and says to him, "you're not gonna make it, are you?" No. So he leaves Fort Lewis at 5:15 and does not arrive at the port until 5:45. And in all technicality, they stop letting people unload at 4:30.
Silver lining...maybe? Well there is this wonderful little clause built into our contracts called detention time. Now for us, in the contract we made with the government, we charge $150/hour, 2 horus free. But according to the trucking system they wait 4 hours and we give them $75. So for his evening sleeping outside the port he will be receiving $675 and we will be getting in $975. In theory if we don't ahve to battle with them over it.
Another silver lining? Maybe. He told me there was already another one of their drivers loading at 6:30 and that he wanted to go back and do at least one more load. Yahoo I get to live up to what I told them.
But we'll see how well this goes by the end of the day.
So he calls me back and tells me what happened...which had very little to do with a booking code. He arrived on time at 2:00 and was loaded....then he was unloaded....then he was reloaded. At 5:00 he was still waiting for his paperwork to be complete. Guess when the port closes...anyone? anyone? yes. 5:00. So the woman working on the paperwork looks at the clock and says to him, "you're not gonna make it, are you?" No. So he leaves Fort Lewis at 5:15 and does not arrive at the port until 5:45. And in all technicality, they stop letting people unload at 4:30.
Silver lining...maybe? Well there is this wonderful little clause built into our contracts called detention time. Now for us, in the contract we made with the government, we charge $150/hour, 2 horus free. But according to the trucking system they wait 4 hours and we give them $75. So for his evening sleeping outside the port he will be receiving $675 and we will be getting in $975. In theory if we don't ahve to battle with them over it.
Another silver lining? Maybe. He told me there was already another one of their drivers loading at 6:30 and that he wanted to go back and do at least one more load. Yahoo I get to live up to what I told them.
But we'll see how well this goes by the end of the day.
Work Vent
Okay so this story starts with Monday. On Monday I get a call for loads going from Fort Lewis, WA to Tacoma, WA---12 miles. Easy. So the lovely woman at Fort Lewis, Alberta, she's a wretched bitter woman. I told her I may be able to get her three truck out of the five. She says, "maybe? Don't say maybe because if you say maybe and you don't follow through then I am going to write you up and you won't be able to move any more shipments for 90 days." "Okay.....well let me call my drivers to double check, call me back in ten minutes." So I scramble...everyone is a maybe, "give me a couple minutes and I'll get back to you." I finally get one guy as a definate who can only move one truck. She never calls back. Great.
So Yesterday she calls again, and I had called my drivers on Tuesday and asked if they would have any trucks available to move and they said probably 3 on Wednesday. So she calls while I am out and I had my phones forwarded to my boss's cell phone. He answers and immediately understands how charming she is. I write down her phone number, tell her I can get her three but I will have to double check with my drivers. So we finally get back to the office and I call my drivers and they can't move it. So I call her back and ask what time she wants to load and she says no later than 3:00. So I post the load on the trucking system and after 20 minutes I get a call for one guy to move his one truck, not three...just the one. But I get him set up, I call Alberta and tell her that I've got a guy who will probably load around 1:30/2. I get the address for delivery and I get back to my guys. Well 2 is really 5, and I am out by 4:30. I also did not have my cell phone with me to forward my phones...so I was just crossing my fingers that I would get back to work with messages saying when they delivered.
Today I come in...and I have messages. The first one is a hang up...the second is my driver saying that it is now 5:30 their time and they are at the delivery point and they can't get in. They are being told they need a booking code. Now when I spoke to lovely Alberta, she told me they don't need anything, they are good to go, she was going to put them down for moving that load, and all they needed to do was get to the Port and everyone will tell them what to do and where to go from there. The pick up with get them all set with what they need and addresses to deliver. Well.....I have no idea what is going on now...because it is 6am their time now and no one is picking up their phones. I have no idea whether they were even able to deliver. And Alberta wanted me to pick up two more loads at 6:30....but she won't answer her phone. Unfortunately this company were the ones willing to pick up the other two loads...if they didn't get screwed with having to wait for pick up or delivery...which they did. So I am truck less and I don't know what this means.
I really don't want to get written up for her issue becuase she never provided any further information to give to my drivers and they didn't want to move. I also never promised to move the other two loads for the next day but she will probably hold that against me anyway. Sigh. I'm going to try to fix this major fuck up now.
So Yesterday she calls again, and I had called my drivers on Tuesday and asked if they would have any trucks available to move and they said probably 3 on Wednesday. So she calls while I am out and I had my phones forwarded to my boss's cell phone. He answers and immediately understands how charming she is. I write down her phone number, tell her I can get her three but I will have to double check with my drivers. So we finally get back to the office and I call my drivers and they can't move it. So I call her back and ask what time she wants to load and she says no later than 3:00. So I post the load on the trucking system and after 20 minutes I get a call for one guy to move his one truck, not three...just the one. But I get him set up, I call Alberta and tell her that I've got a guy who will probably load around 1:30/2. I get the address for delivery and I get back to my guys. Well 2 is really 5, and I am out by 4:30. I also did not have my cell phone with me to forward my phones...so I was just crossing my fingers that I would get back to work with messages saying when they delivered.
Today I come in...and I have messages. The first one is a hang up...the second is my driver saying that it is now 5:30 their time and they are at the delivery point and they can't get in. They are being told they need a booking code. Now when I spoke to lovely Alberta, she told me they don't need anything, they are good to go, she was going to put them down for moving that load, and all they needed to do was get to the Port and everyone will tell them what to do and where to go from there. The pick up with get them all set with what they need and addresses to deliver. Well.....I have no idea what is going on now...because it is 6am their time now and no one is picking up their phones. I have no idea whether they were even able to deliver. And Alberta wanted me to pick up two more loads at 6:30....but she won't answer her phone. Unfortunately this company were the ones willing to pick up the other two loads...if they didn't get screwed with having to wait for pick up or delivery...which they did. So I am truck less and I don't know what this means.
I really don't want to get written up for her issue becuase she never provided any further information to give to my drivers and they didn't want to move. I also never promised to move the other two loads for the next day but she will probably hold that against me anyway. Sigh. I'm going to try to fix this major fuck up now.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Silence
Do you ever have so much going on in your head that you are desperate to get out but you know there isn't a single thing you could say that you won't regret later? Because you know you're just frustrated and you want to vent but you only half mean everything you're upset about and even if you do mean it, you don't want to really admit to it. Yeah...my life is kinda like that.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Anniversary
Today is Carol and I's anniversary. Sort of. Carol and I first exchanged our vows 5 years ago today at midnight on a beach. We decided from then on that we would spend the rest of our lives together and get married again every year. On our fourth anniversary, we had our formal wedding with friends and family and the whole affair. Except that was on the 10th as opposed to the 8th because the 8th fell on a Thursday. So is it our paper anniversary or our wood anniversary? I think we have decided to continue celebrating our anniversary on the 8th. Why let a good tradition die?
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Favorite Candies: reviewed.
So when I was a little girl my favorite candy was hands down: smarties. Granted Spree and Sweet Tarts were close, but smarties ruled. Then there was a period in high school where I fell in love with Swedish Fish...probably because the vending machine had Swedish Fish. Then in College it was gummy bears. I LOVED gummy bears. I went through a five pound bag of gummy bears in 2 days. Shortly after...I stopped liking gummy bears as much. My new favorite then became twizzlers. I love twizzlers. When I worked at the theater, we served twizzlers and gummy bears and sometimes I would question my choice...and then one day I was bagging gummy bears (fill a plastic cup with gummy bears and put them in a bag) and I noticed that all of my nail polish had dissolved...yes...dissolved. I was still content with my choice.
So yesterday I bought a pound of twizzlers. I like to shop by the pound with candy. Now generally the problems you face with twizzlers are that they are too hard when they get old. This batch....tastes like plastic. I know many of the reviews of twizzlers are that they always taste like plastic, but this is distinctly plastic. I even had one of my co-workers, who enjoys twizzlers, try one and she had to spit it out and chew gum to get the taste out of her mouth. So here are my theories: either it has gone very very bad, they did not put enough flavoring into the mix for this batch, or the twizzlers were still hot when they entered the plastic wrapper and absorbed the plastic taste.
Sincerely disturbing...I think I shall look to gummy worms...I like to eat them by color.
So yesterday I bought a pound of twizzlers. I like to shop by the pound with candy. Now generally the problems you face with twizzlers are that they are too hard when they get old. This batch....tastes like plastic. I know many of the reviews of twizzlers are that they always taste like plastic, but this is distinctly plastic. I even had one of my co-workers, who enjoys twizzlers, try one and she had to spit it out and chew gum to get the taste out of her mouth. So here are my theories: either it has gone very very bad, they did not put enough flavoring into the mix for this batch, or the twizzlers were still hot when they entered the plastic wrapper and absorbed the plastic taste.
Sincerely disturbing...I think I shall look to gummy worms...I like to eat them by color.
Monday, March 30, 2009
First night in a new place
Over this past weekend Carol and I decided to get out of the house and spend the weekend camping out in our new house. So on Friday, before anyone else came home, Carol had the car packed up with the essentials: sleeping bags, pillows, bag-o-clothes, tv, vcr, dvd player, playstation 2, super nintendo, all the games to go with each, two cases of dvds, box of food we've had sitting around since the last apartment, and her guitar hero guitar.
We drove down to Staunton first and met up with a couple of Carol's friends for dinner and then went back to Michael's place (he was at new years). We played pool and then I went to bed. They stayed up until around 7:30a. I woke up at 4:30a because my dream was starting to play out their conversation......and it was a weird conversation. So I woke up and hung out with them for an hour and then went back to bed.
So Saturday...finally...after Carol woke up at 3, we decided to go to our storage unit, pull out some stuff, and unload it in the house. We, again, grabbed only the necessities: couch cushions, pillows, and two...yes TWO boxes of Magic the Gathering cards.
But we spent the night all cozy in our new house. We bought KFC and ate that for dinner while watching movies and periodically getting up to walk around the house and explore...in the dark. We have our electric hooked up (of course so we could watch movies), but there was something about standing in the doorway in the darkness, picturing what the room would look like...dancing together throughout the rooms. Sitting on the floor of our bedroom talking..."what is something you've never told me?" "I put your hand cuffs on the bookshelf at the last apartment. I didn't hide them, you just didn't look for them."
It was so much fun. It felt....like home. It felt like our old home. And somehow if we sat there long enough all of our stuff woudl just appear. We stayed there all day sunday until it was dark again...walking around and seeing how the light changed in every room. Trying to remember where the light switches are in every room....because they are dreadfully inconvenient. Figuring out where to put the litter boxes and the cat dish...where does the microwave go, which cabinet is for plates and which is for cups. And it seems like it almost didn't happen.
We drove down to Staunton first and met up with a couple of Carol's friends for dinner and then went back to Michael's place (he was at new years). We played pool and then I went to bed. They stayed up until around 7:30a. I woke up at 4:30a because my dream was starting to play out their conversation......and it was a weird conversation. So I woke up and hung out with them for an hour and then went back to bed.
So Saturday...finally...after Carol woke up at 3, we decided to go to our storage unit, pull out some stuff, and unload it in the house. We, again, grabbed only the necessities: couch cushions, pillows, and two...yes TWO boxes of Magic the Gathering cards.
But we spent the night all cozy in our new house. We bought KFC and ate that for dinner while watching movies and periodically getting up to walk around the house and explore...in the dark. We have our electric hooked up (of course so we could watch movies), but there was something about standing in the doorway in the darkness, picturing what the room would look like...dancing together throughout the rooms. Sitting on the floor of our bedroom talking..."what is something you've never told me?" "I put your hand cuffs on the bookshelf at the last apartment. I didn't hide them, you just didn't look for them."
It was so much fun. It felt....like home. It felt like our old home. And somehow if we sat there long enough all of our stuff woudl just appear. We stayed there all day sunday until it was dark again...walking around and seeing how the light changed in every room. Trying to remember where the light switches are in every room....because they are dreadfully inconvenient. Figuring out where to put the litter boxes and the cat dish...where does the microwave go, which cabinet is for plates and which is for cups. And it seems like it almost didn't happen.
Friday, March 27, 2009
This post is for Kate
After Erika's post yesterday on the General (which just so happened to start playing while I am writing this), I decided I needed to listen to the first Kate mix I came across in my car this morning. What luck! I had Kate's Greatest Hits Mega Mix discs 1-3. And I am indeed playing them in order. I was only able to get through the first 4 songs in the car so I was obliged to bring the CDs in the office and listen to them while I work and resist the urge to rock out. It really is amazing that you can actually see Lawyers Rd when you listen to these songs...dark wet winding roads early in the morning speeding and smiling. Dur Dur Etre Bebe? Okay. I can go with it. While not part of the triad, I always enjoyed being included in the mass hand outs of mixes for Winter Break, Valentines Day, Prom, etc. This has upped my day to "super" status. Thank you Kate. You Rock.
Friday, March 20, 2009
It's time.
I can now share with the world our big, rash, scary, and financially unsound decision to move to Winchester. It was really a knee-jerk reaction to the intense dread and misery we felt the other week when my parents had gone to Florida for a week but we knew they were coming back. The last two days of our alone time were in fact ruined by the realization that very shortly they will be back and we will be stuck again.
Why Winchester, you ask? Well we really don't have any good reasons. My sister moved to Winchester in the fall and driving through the down town it reminded me of Staunton, which felt kind of cozy. My co-workers all live in West Virginia and drive through Winchester on the way to work and have been trying to get our office to move there. We will see how long that takes but they are still pursuing it, especially if all of us live out there and my other co-worker may have to leave or work from home due to her blood pressure (from the two hour drive).
Mostly it is just because it looks more like home, with the mountains and the architecture, and we can afford it. Your dollar goes a long way in Winchester which is greatly appreciated. However it also has the highest unemployment rate in the state and is filled with rednecks and mexi-thugs. We would only be three blocks from the downtown mall, in the historic section and best of all...we would be alone.
But this is alone to an extent neither of us have ever been before. Aside from my sister (who's husband wants them to move to Ohio) we have no family, no friends, and no realy interest/draw to that area. We would be situated at a near half way point between our families which makes Carol very excited.
My parents were not exactly excited. In fact the exact words were, "I don't think this is a good idea, I don't want you to go." Then I got yelled at by my sister for being in Winchester to look at houses and not coming to see her. But somehow after 5 minutes of concern and disapproval...they gave up. They simply stopped complaining, said their peace, smiled and went about their days. I told them we weren't moving until May and they said that was better and that was all.
We are still scared at the newness, change, and potential failure of this situation as well as the potential for complete misery in Winchester. But we have decided, with absolute certainty, we cannot continue to stay with my parents, and we won't be able to find a nicer place that we can afford anywhere closer. So here's hoping we don't fall flat on our faces, don't hate it, and my job actually does move to Winchester so I don't have to drive an hour every day to and from work for as long as I continue to work there.
Why Winchester, you ask? Well we really don't have any good reasons. My sister moved to Winchester in the fall and driving through the down town it reminded me of Staunton, which felt kind of cozy. My co-workers all live in West Virginia and drive through Winchester on the way to work and have been trying to get our office to move there. We will see how long that takes but they are still pursuing it, especially if all of us live out there and my other co-worker may have to leave or work from home due to her blood pressure (from the two hour drive).
Mostly it is just because it looks more like home, with the mountains and the architecture, and we can afford it. Your dollar goes a long way in Winchester which is greatly appreciated. However it also has the highest unemployment rate in the state and is filled with rednecks and mexi-thugs. We would only be three blocks from the downtown mall, in the historic section and best of all...we would be alone.
But this is alone to an extent neither of us have ever been before. Aside from my sister (who's husband wants them to move to Ohio) we have no family, no friends, and no realy interest/draw to that area. We would be situated at a near half way point between our families which makes Carol very excited.
My parents were not exactly excited. In fact the exact words were, "I don't think this is a good idea, I don't want you to go." Then I got yelled at by my sister for being in Winchester to look at houses and not coming to see her. But somehow after 5 minutes of concern and disapproval...they gave up. They simply stopped complaining, said their peace, smiled and went about their days. I told them we weren't moving until May and they said that was better and that was all.
We are still scared at the newness, change, and potential failure of this situation as well as the potential for complete misery in Winchester. But we have decided, with absolute certainty, we cannot continue to stay with my parents, and we won't be able to find a nicer place that we can afford anywhere closer. So here's hoping we don't fall flat on our faces, don't hate it, and my job actually does move to Winchester so I don't have to drive an hour every day to and from work for as long as I continue to work there.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
It's a big brave world out there
I am beginning to like my job. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my job. I wouldn't have taken it if I did. But after my training in Oregon, I am a busier girl. I spend my days talking to people all over the country. Some nice, some dull, some really friendly that I wish I could help out even if I can't, people that just like to talk and talk and tell me stories about their day. I like it. Which is odd. I am not really a people person. I am a bubbly chipper person most days but when it comes to work and talking to people on the phone I try to avoid it all costs. But now that people are calling me...well thats a different story. I have post it notes around my computer for people I have to call back: Bobby, Alvin, Timmy, and Phillis. Then I am working with Billy tomorrow. Is it just me or are these names enjoyable?
Monday, March 9, 2009
Vegetarian
So Carol and I have decided to become fish-e-chick-e-tarians. Basically just no red mean and a lot more healthy foods in general. I am fairly excited for this.
Carol and I were all alone over the weekend which was very exciting. She made dinner two nights in a row, basically the same meal because the sauce was messed up the first time so she re-did it. It was chicken with a grilling rub in a white wine sauce with garlic, onion and thyme, to which she added heavy whipping cream and sour cream. It was extremely delicious and I wanted to bring the sparce left overs to work today but I figured I should finish the chinese from Thursday instead.
FRIDAY:
Ani DiFranco concert at the 9:30 club with Melissa Ferrick opening. It rocked. Minus having to stand for four hours and being pushed by annoying people and standing behind tall people. But other than that...it rocked.
Today is our last alone day. I am mourning for our time.
Carol and I were all alone over the weekend which was very exciting. She made dinner two nights in a row, basically the same meal because the sauce was messed up the first time so she re-did it. It was chicken with a grilling rub in a white wine sauce with garlic, onion and thyme, to which she added heavy whipping cream and sour cream. It was extremely delicious and I wanted to bring the sparce left overs to work today but I figured I should finish the chinese from Thursday instead.
FRIDAY:
Ani DiFranco concert at the 9:30 club with Melissa Ferrick opening. It rocked. Minus having to stand for four hours and being pushed by annoying people and standing behind tall people. But other than that...it rocked.
Today is our last alone day. I am mourning for our time.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Little Big Planet
So Carol finally bought herself a PS3. I am not into video games and never bothered learning the technology past N64. Carol keeps trying to get me into video games that we can play together and it hasn't worked too well. But I decided to give it another try with the new system and picked myself out a game called Little Big Planet. In this game you are a sack person. I make an adorable sack person. I love this game. Carol does not as much. It reminds me of the old Mario games. You have a level. You travel through the level, all on the single plane moving to the right, and you collect blue orbs and stickers instead of coins. There are no big bad scary things to fight, so far anyway. You just wander around and enjoy the world. I love it.
Carol, being less enthused about this game than I would have hoped, decided to show me her ability to download games onto the system. So I was sent to find a game I would like off of there. I found Flower. Flower is an amazing game where you are the wind in the dreams of a flower. You soar around blossoming other flowers and collecting a petal from each. As you blossom the flowers, the grass turns green and sky turns blue. It is a beautiful relaxing game....to watch. Carol has yet to let me play it. This game, she loves.
Carol, being less enthused about this game than I would have hoped, decided to show me her ability to download games onto the system. So I was sent to find a game I would like off of there. I found Flower. Flower is an amazing game where you are the wind in the dreams of a flower. You soar around blossoming other flowers and collecting a petal from each. As you blossom the flowers, the grass turns green and sky turns blue. It is a beautiful relaxing game....to watch. Carol has yet to let me play it. This game, she loves.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Grass. Really?
So while I am here in Medford, OR I am noticing things that I did not expect. Mainly: the ground. Yes, beautiful mountains surround me closely on all sides and the sky is excellently blue when the clouds part. Everyone is very nice and friendly which I don't know why I wasn't expecting. But really....the ground....is soft. I suppose its coming from Virginia where there is a lot of red clay and most of the dirt is placed there and comes in bags from Lowes. But here, the dirt is black and soft. The grass is so thin and soft...the kind you can roll and around and lay in without getting pricked from thick sharp and all around unpleasant grass. You don't need a blanket to lay on the grass..it is just pleasant! I have kind of been obsessing about the grass...I even took a picture of it.
What else weirded me out when I paid attention? The birds. I have never heard these kinds of birds before and they are everywhere and loud. I am not that into birds. They look like regular birds, but they sound completely different than anything I have previously heard. These things as well as time changes has solidified my opinion of travelling as distinctly weird.
What else weirded me out when I paid attention? The birds. I have never heard these kinds of birds before and they are everywhere and loud. I am not that into birds. They look like regular birds, but they sound completely different than anything I have previously heard. These things as well as time changes has solidified my opinion of travelling as distinctly weird.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Waiting at the airport. Flight delayed then connecting flight cancelled due to wind. I arrived at my first gate at 1:20 because I wanted enough time to make it if there were any problems. But there weren't any. So it is going to be half an hour *crosses fingers* before I board this flight. My batteries are all half dead except for my ipod which I started using when I first arrived and decided to wait until I got on the plane for my 6 hour flight. Wise choice. Now my laptop is half charged so I will have to remember to plug it in tonight at the hotel. I do hope they send a shuttle at 3 in the morning to pick me up from the airport, otherwise I will be taking a taxi in the middle of the night to get there. I am still partially enthused for the trip, but mostly, having spent most of my dat waiting to just get on the a plane, I am a little less than joyous about the whole thing. I just hope my bed is soft tonight and that the extra two hours of sleep will make up for the going to bed 3 to 4 hours later than normal. I don't think I can sign up for room service for the following morning in the middle of the night...I think things like that have to be turned in the night before by like 11. At least that was the rule for the hotel we were at for Valentines Day. But I still want my wake up call. I bought a donut from dunkin donuts. I haven't had one in a while. The girl put it into the bad upside down and i lost many sprinkles.
Flight was long but good. Secret Lives of Bees was a very good movie. My audiobook is very good. I told Carol it was like listening to the History Channel. I got to talk to her once I got into Denver but then my phone died and I packed the charger. I was hoping I could hop onto Wi Fi here but it keeps failing me. I was moderately happy to arrive in Denver but sad that I came in the dark. Its like stopping in Hawaii in the dark. You have the knowledge you were in Hawaii but none of the memories from having seen its beauty.
Arrival in Medford. Slept on the plane. It is 3:07 my time and I am in my hotel room, which smells funny, and I have no luggage. My luggage decided it would prefer the original schedule of going to San Francisco. In theory it should be here, at my hotel in 2 hours. THEN I CAN TAKE MY MEDICATION. Only 6 hours after I should be taking it. My phone is dead, my charger is in my bag as well. I thought ahead and brought my glasses to change into on the plane in case I wanted to sleep...I just didn't bring a contact case. I am exhausted. My hotel smells funny. Its got that pink and green thing going but they tried to update it with bronze and maroon...they just didn't get rid of the pink and green. I became instantly depressed when i walked into the room because I have a king bed, all by my lonesome. I don't think I have ever slept in a king bed alone. My driver is nice. he's old and kind of scraggly but he's a sweet guy and he will be taking me back and forth to work every day this week, as well as picking up my luggage for me tonight when it comes in.
Flight was long but good. Secret Lives of Bees was a very good movie. My audiobook is very good. I told Carol it was like listening to the History Channel. I got to talk to her once I got into Denver but then my phone died and I packed the charger. I was hoping I could hop onto Wi Fi here but it keeps failing me. I was moderately happy to arrive in Denver but sad that I came in the dark. Its like stopping in Hawaii in the dark. You have the knowledge you were in Hawaii but none of the memories from having seen its beauty.
Arrival in Medford. Slept on the plane. It is 3:07 my time and I am in my hotel room, which smells funny, and I have no luggage. My luggage decided it would prefer the original schedule of going to San Francisco. In theory it should be here, at my hotel in 2 hours. THEN I CAN TAKE MY MEDICATION. Only 6 hours after I should be taking it. My phone is dead, my charger is in my bag as well. I thought ahead and brought my glasses to change into on the plane in case I wanted to sleep...I just didn't bring a contact case. I am exhausted. My hotel smells funny. Its got that pink and green thing going but they tried to update it with bronze and maroon...they just didn't get rid of the pink and green. I became instantly depressed when i walked into the room because I have a king bed, all by my lonesome. I don't think I have ever slept in a king bed alone. My driver is nice. he's old and kind of scraggly but he's a sweet guy and he will be taking me back and forth to work every day this week, as well as picking up my luggage for me tonight when it comes in.
Friday, February 20, 2009
I know. I'm cool.
So this is my first but technically my second visit into laptop ownership. My first came when Carol got a new laptop for christmas and gave me her old one before it stopped working. It was large and heavy and hot and the wireless was kind of crappy but it was interesting. Now, because of my work trip coming up, I had to take my lap top from work to bring with me. Less of a lap top and more of a thinkpad, this tiny device makes me very happy. I never wanted the 15" screen and I believe this one is at 10 or 12". It is light and rests easily on one leg and is not dreadfully difficult to type on, despite its small size. I think I am getting closer to the idea of a small laptop for myself. Unfortunately I am doing mostly work while I am having this laptop in my care but I enjoy the possibilities.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Vicky's
I have decided that new underwear is really one of the best things in life. It completely changes how you feel in an outfit. I have random desires or rather obsessions to shop for different things. Currently it is underwear. I want new casual underwear, new flirty underwear, new sexy underwear, new romantic underwear (yes there is a difference). I want new bras because all of my bras are from high school and they suck. So I have recently bought two new bras and desire five more.
This is my problem. I can never just decide I want or need something and then buy it. I have to buy it and all of its friends. I need new jeans, so I want at least three new pairs of jeans that fit me like a glove and look great with everything. I want my hair to be perfect so I would in theory go to a stylist for consultation and then buy an entire line of styling products just to reaize two weeks later: I'm really not that interested in putting the time into perfect hair.
And somehow, I am between sizes at the moment. I am sure I fit a size just fine but my closet is made of clothes that are a bit too big or a bit too small. Does this mean I should go out and find clothes that fit me now, or decide to gain or lose weight each week so I can fit into all of my clothes? I just don't know. But in the mean time....I might have to get a Victoria's Secret credit card.
This is my problem. I can never just decide I want or need something and then buy it. I have to buy it and all of its friends. I need new jeans, so I want at least three new pairs of jeans that fit me like a glove and look great with everything. I want my hair to be perfect so I would in theory go to a stylist for consultation and then buy an entire line of styling products just to reaize two weeks later: I'm really not that interested in putting the time into perfect hair.
And somehow, I am between sizes at the moment. I am sure I fit a size just fine but my closet is made of clothes that are a bit too big or a bit too small. Does this mean I should go out and find clothes that fit me now, or decide to gain or lose weight each week so I can fit into all of my clothes? I just don't know. But in the mean time....I might have to get a Victoria's Secret credit card.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
heads or tails
So I am flying out on Sunday to Oregon for training. No, not any cool part of Oregon, just Medford. My mom wants me to call my Aunt when I go out there because she lives on the other side of the state. Apparently we'll feel the closeness.
Carol has never been on a plane. She just found out I am going completely by myself and she is scared something will happen to me. My flight out is going to be on US airlines, the airline that landed in the hudson where everyone survived. My flight back is going to be on Continental, the airline that crashed into someone's house where everyone including someone living in the house died. Wish me luck.
Carol has never been on a plane. She just found out I am going completely by myself and she is scared something will happen to me. My flight out is going to be on US airlines, the airline that landed in the hudson where everyone survived. My flight back is going to be on Continental, the airline that crashed into someone's house where everyone including someone living in the house died. Wish me luck.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Long but not Lost
I have discovered that I am losing touch with my friends. I know I don't show up to functions or call or even call back when I've been called, but please don't think that means I don't care, or that I don't want to be a part of your lives. And I realize that there really aren't many people in my life that know what goes on with me or much about my relationship other than that we are together and have been for nearly five years. I don't want to lose the people that I care about. You were at my wedding for a reason: because I love you. Because I have known you and considered you my friends longer than anyone else in my life. Because even though I am a crappy friend who doesn't stay in touch, I know that if I ever really needed you, you would be there. Because even though since I've met you I have had other friends that have come in and out of my life, it wouldn't mean anything to have them there, but it meant the world to have you there.
So this is it: the insight into my life.
For the past nine days Carol has decided to stretch Valentine's Day into a week. Last Friday she surprised me when I arrived home with a long stem rose and a nice dinner out. At dinner we decided to get drinks and what better place to get drinks than at our bar? So we drove 3 hours down to Staunton, VA to "get our drink on" as my neice says. We were a little disappointed when we got there that they had a band, which is a new trend they are doing of live music every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. But at least I did like the band as the lead singer had played at the theater previously. But it was great to walk in and have people get excited over seeing us, shocked that we would drive all that way just to get drinks from Baja. But, considering the price of alcohol and the price of gas it kind of equals out....except for the hotel room that night..which probably pushed us over. The next day we saw her sister, went to the new Chinese Buffet in Waynesboro, and went bowling. I almost won.
On Tuesday or Wednesday of last week Carol took me out to another dinner at the Japanese Steakhouse. We were all alone at our table because it was 5:30 on a weekday. But the food was good as always and the time was well spent together.
Valentines Day is always tough for us. I was never very big on the holiday myself before Carol and I were together but Carol was. She was. For the past 8 years its been kinda rough for her and Valentine's Day never does run smoothly. We have had many failed attempts at a nice evening but this year we really pushed it through. We got reservations at the Westin in Alexandria for the weekend. It was lovely, really it was. The staff was a lil meh to bitchy but the room was lovely which was the part that I was interested in.
I worry for my mother. I mean I know they haven't always been happy. I was recently told during wonderful family dinner after my parents shared probably have a bottle of Jack Daniels that my mother was in a deep depression once and that I got mad at her for it and that made her push herself out. Apparently it was when I was in high school and she wanted to get a divorce and I was too absorbed in my own depression to really give a damn about hers. But since then my Dad has been an angel. He really has. They make random vacations throughout the year alone together. He always buys her flowers at least once a week. He keeps the drinks coming because he finds her absolutely adorbale when she's drunk and he is so clearly in love with her. For Valentine's Day they didn't really have any plans. My Dad asked my Mom to make him some chocolate chip cookies which she did. But on Valentine's Day I woke up to a voicemail from my mother asking me where I was, when I was coming home, and that she missed me because she hadn't seen me the last couple days. I would have hoped she'd have been too busy to wonder where I was, or maybe even ask my Dad if he knew where I was in case she forgot. But I'm starting to realize the only way for them to both know what is going on is to tell them both individually because they never share any information with each other.
But I suppose they have had plenty of Valentine's Days in the past 30 years that they don't need to do something special everytime. But this was our first really special Valentine's Day where we actually made plans to do something special. And I was pleased that it went off without a hitch, an argument, or any form of silent treatment. In fact we spent nearly six hours Saturday night drinking champagne and wine talking...I have no idea what about though because those bubbles do go to my head rather quickly and she woke up with a hang over.
So this is it: the insight into my life.
For the past nine days Carol has decided to stretch Valentine's Day into a week. Last Friday she surprised me when I arrived home with a long stem rose and a nice dinner out. At dinner we decided to get drinks and what better place to get drinks than at our bar? So we drove 3 hours down to Staunton, VA to "get our drink on" as my neice says. We were a little disappointed when we got there that they had a band, which is a new trend they are doing of live music every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. But at least I did like the band as the lead singer had played at the theater previously. But it was great to walk in and have people get excited over seeing us, shocked that we would drive all that way just to get drinks from Baja. But, considering the price of alcohol and the price of gas it kind of equals out....except for the hotel room that night..which probably pushed us over. The next day we saw her sister, went to the new Chinese Buffet in Waynesboro, and went bowling. I almost won.
On Tuesday or Wednesday of last week Carol took me out to another dinner at the Japanese Steakhouse. We were all alone at our table because it was 5:30 on a weekday. But the food was good as always and the time was well spent together.
Valentines Day is always tough for us. I was never very big on the holiday myself before Carol and I were together but Carol was. She was. For the past 8 years its been kinda rough for her and Valentine's Day never does run smoothly. We have had many failed attempts at a nice evening but this year we really pushed it through. We got reservations at the Westin in Alexandria for the weekend. It was lovely, really it was. The staff was a lil meh to bitchy but the room was lovely which was the part that I was interested in.
I worry for my mother. I mean I know they haven't always been happy. I was recently told during wonderful family dinner after my parents shared probably have a bottle of Jack Daniels that my mother was in a deep depression once and that I got mad at her for it and that made her push herself out. Apparently it was when I was in high school and she wanted to get a divorce and I was too absorbed in my own depression to really give a damn about hers. But since then my Dad has been an angel. He really has. They make random vacations throughout the year alone together. He always buys her flowers at least once a week. He keeps the drinks coming because he finds her absolutely adorbale when she's drunk and he is so clearly in love with her. For Valentine's Day they didn't really have any plans. My Dad asked my Mom to make him some chocolate chip cookies which she did. But on Valentine's Day I woke up to a voicemail from my mother asking me where I was, when I was coming home, and that she missed me because she hadn't seen me the last couple days. I would have hoped she'd have been too busy to wonder where I was, or maybe even ask my Dad if he knew where I was in case she forgot. But I'm starting to realize the only way for them to both know what is going on is to tell them both individually because they never share any information with each other.
But I suppose they have had plenty of Valentine's Days in the past 30 years that they don't need to do something special everytime. But this was our first really special Valentine's Day where we actually made plans to do something special. And I was pleased that it went off without a hitch, an argument, or any form of silent treatment. In fact we spent nearly six hours Saturday night drinking champagne and wine talking...I have no idea what about though because those bubbles do go to my head rather quickly and she woke up with a hang over.
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